Checkoutpresenter Amber Kortzorg (30) often thought in her youth that her father did not love her. The man left his family when she was only six months old, much to Amber’s misunderstanding. She now knows that he is not mentally well and could not do anything about it herself, she told tonight in The cut guest. Nevertheless, she still feels the consequences. “I was very angry for a long time.”
“I entered into love for the wrong reasons, I was looking for love,” Amber told host Özcan Akyol, who asked why she’s had quite a few relationships in her life. “I was looking for confirmation from the world, from outside.”
This was due to the relationship with her Surinamese father. She left six months after her birth and was only sporadic in her life in the years that followed. “I think that trust in someone else, that you are good enough, has been damaged, [omdat] someone is constantly running away from your life,” said Amber.
I thought: maybe I can be a ‘good enough’ daughter in his eyes to love me
She got the feeling that her father didn’t love her. ,,If your father is not there for five years in your life, you think: then maybe I am not important enough.” Every time she saw him, her confidence returned. ,,Then I thought: maybe in his eyes I can be a ‘good enough’ daughter to love me. But that trust was broken every time.”
She now knows that her father did not just leave. ,,There is a very big taboo on people with a mental disability, and that is what my father has. I never saw that when I was little, that my father was unable to be a father to me, mainly because he was ill. Now I can separate that better from each other.”
Proudly watching Checkout
She used to be “very angry for a long time.” ,,I couldn’t imagine why you leave the life of a child, also your only child, and that you choose for yourself. It makes me emotional. I now realize that he couldn’t have done otherwise and that he did it for me and my mother, for protection. That he was like: I’m not going to put my shit on you, I’m going to take care of myself, so will you.”
Today, the relationship with her father is good. Even when he was gone, he thought about her every day, she now knows. Every week he faithfully watches on his laptop in Suriname Checkout. “He says he’s proud of me, it’s brought us closer together that I’m on TV every week.”
I now realize that he couldn’t have done otherwise and that he did it for me and my mother
Nevertheless, she still feels the effects of her childhood. Kortzorg has a white mother and during her younger years, due to the absence of her father, she learned almost nothing about her Surinamese background. Her ancestors still worked on the plantations in Suriname. “I’m missing a piece of the puzzle of my own identity,” Amber said.
And she was uncertain for a long time; whether she ‘should be there’ and was ‘nice enough’. Also in her current relationship, as good as it is, she doesn’t allow her boyfriend into her life completely. “That takes effort, daring to trust that someone won’t leave you.”
Listen to our Media Podcast here:
Watch our Show & Entertainment videos below:
Free unlimited access to Showbytes? Which can!
Log in or create an account and never miss a thing from the stars.
#Father #cash #register #face #Amber #left #family #wanted #good #love
source https://pledgetimes.com/father-of-cash-register-face-amber-left-with-family-i-wanted-to-be-good-enough-to-love/
Disqus comments